Parental Advise – How to handle it in adulthood_Answer

Posted on Thursday, July 16th, 2015 at 4:15 am.

I’m sure you know well that you are not alone in having this issue with a parent.  It sounds like your relationship with your father is basically a good one.  The only good way to handle this is with direct communication.  Keep in mind that you can be direct without being harsh or rude.  The best assertive communication leaves both parties feelings valued.

There are two good options for approaching the topic.  One way is to approach it before the next family visit. You could craft an email that let’s your father know that you value him and that you have appreciated a lot of his guidance over the years, but that you have really come to develop those skills for yourself.

You can let him know that you would like to focus on topics other than your life decisions. It is fine to discuss those from time to time, but you don’t want that to be the main focus of your relationship with him.  You could mention a number of other subjects you would enjoy discussing with him.

Finally, I think it is important to let him know that you feel uncomfortable with his continual advice and that it is putting a strain on your otherwise good relationship.  Let him know that you want to have a comfortable adult-adult relationship with him going forward and that if you want his thoughts on a decision in your life, you will certainly be sure to ask him for his input.

The other option is to deliver the same message in person, but do this in a one-on-one interaction, not in front of the family or during a holiday gathering.  I think you have a good chance of improving your relationship with your father now and in the future. You just need to take the first step.

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