Your ex-boyfriend was clearly a very important and significant person in your life. Relationships of that depth and importance don’t come into our lives very often. If you were serious enough with one another to live together and discuss the possibility of marriage, there was clearly something very special about your relationship.

It sounds like you had some pretty major differences and disagreements. I don’t know why your relationship ended, but it sounds like the two of you were not able to resolve these conflicts or work through them in a manner that was satisfactory to both of you. Whatever the reasons for your break-up, those reasons were real. In all likelihood, the conflicts that resulted in your break-up would probably have continued to pose ongoing problems for the two of you in a committed future relationship.

While you no longer want to be with your ex-boyfriend, it seems clear that your feelings for him ran quite deep and that at one time you had hopes for sharing a future as a couple. It is never easy to completely let go of those hopes and dreams. When you learned that your ex-boyfriend got married to another woman, it’s not surprising that many of those old feelings of love and hope might resurface.

While this doesn’t happen to everyone who breaks up, you are certainly not alone in the way you feel.  When your former partner gets married, it closes a door of possibility for reunion of the relationship—a door that you may not even consciously know you were keeping open. Or, it could be a reflection of your own unfulfilled dreams for yourself if you have not yet found a relationship of similar importance and potential since the ending of that relationship.

Have compassion for yourself, but know that you broke up for reasons that were real and valid.  Whatever conflicts, personality traits or preferences caused the break-up of your relationship with him probably still exist.  Your fulfillment lies in the personal and relationship future you are creating, not in the past, no matter how wonderful your memories of the relationship or how painful your regrets may be about its ending. It is OK to grieve again the ending of this important romance, but be reassured that you made the right decision and new and more fulfilling experiences await you.