It is not unusual for different children in a family to strongly resemble the personality of one or the other of their parents. And some children seem to have personalities that don’t resemble either parent and seem almost like a foreigner in the family.

It is definitely a struggle to deal with parenting a child who reflects both the good and bad of the parent that they resemble. For example, dealing with you son is a lot like dealing with your husband, both his good traits and his irritating traits. One suggestion I would make is to ask your husband for help in understanding why your son may feel and behave in the ways he does. Your husband probably recognizes the similarities and may have a natural rapport or understanding that can help you better bond with your son. He is a valuable resource!

You are certainly going to have a different kind of relationship with your son than you do with your daughter and both are uniquely good in their own way. I do think it is important to make your son feel special and important by spending time with him alone as well as time with the two of them together, or as a family. I also think it would be very helpful to work on the issues between you and your husband so that you can get a better handle on your own irritation. This will very likely help you in your relationship with your son as well. Do remember that he is a child and you should not expect adult behavior from him—at least not entirely mature behavior.

There is another plus to this situation. When parenting responsibilities are shared in a healthy way between parents with different personalities, the child gets the benefit of being taught both by a parent who is similar to them and a parent who is quite different from them. As long as you and your husband are basically on the same page—that is, have the same values and rules for behavior, the effect on the children can be quite beneficial. After all, they are going to meet hundreds of people over their lifetimes, and most are going to be different from them in some way.

You have a tremendous growth opportunity here for both your daughter and your son and for you and your husband as well! Make the most of it.